Postpartum Depression is not a discussion I take lightly. According to the American Psychological Association, 1 in 7 women experience symptoms for postpartum depression. But I’m not here to talk about depression, I’m here to bring attention to its sister, postpartum anxiety.
I have suffered with depression since the age of 18. I knew coming in to motherhood, re-occuring depression was a possibility, and it could raise its ugly head at any given time. What I did not expect was the significant amounts of anxiety that arrived instead.
Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety are two closely related topics and they are usually compared to the “Baby Blues”. The most common symptoms of depression and anxiety include:
- Loss of interest in doing things
- Increase/Decrease in appetite
- Scary thoughts
- Feeling guilty or worthless
- Sadness, crying uncontrollably
- Fear of being alone with the baby
- Sleeping too much or sleeping less
- Thoughts of hurting yourself or baby (call for immediate help)
Many of you can relate to these symptoms and I know I certainly experienced a few on the list. But I wanted to share the thoughts that would constantly race through my mind all day, whether I was with my son or not.
“What if I waited another day to tell the doctor about Oliver. Would he even be here? I could have lost him”
“He’s sleeping past his normal time. Is he breathing? Is he okay? Should I check on him?”
“He hit his head on the dresser knob. He has a bruise. Is it a brain bleed? Should we go to ER? Does he have a concussion?”
“Am I a good mother? Do I provide enough? Do I give him enough attention?”
“What if I’m in a car accident? Will my husband and son be okay? Will I be missed?”
“My son acted out in Target. Am I a terrible mother? What if every one saw me and was worried?”
The anxiety and paranoia was so overwhelming that most days I would come home from work just sobbing to my husband. Crying because I hated my job. Crying because I was happy to be home. Crying because I was guilty for having these feelings.
The anxiety and panic attacks can be severe. All of the “What if” scenarios that I created in my head is exhausting. I knew I needed help.
With the help of local resources, I started speaking with a psychiatrist and a therapist. I opted for medication that can eliminate most of these thoughts. But the key for me is to remember, I am okay. My family is okay.
My husband and close family is a huge support system for me, and I realize not everyone is as lucky as I am. I urge you to find confidence in your spouse, closest friend, family member or a therapist. You are NOT alone. Postpartum anxiety is just as severe as Postpartum Depression. Always be an advocate for yourself when you know something is not right. Never feel ashamed to ask for help.
Below is a list for national resources and hotlines for anonymous support:
- National Center for PTSD: 800-273-8255
- Depression and Bipolar Support: 800-826-3632
- National Suicide Prevention: 800-273-TALK (8255)
- PPD Moms: 800-PPD-MOMS (800-773-6667)
Have you or a friend/family member suffered from PPD or PPA? How did you find ways to manage? I would love to hear your story – us mamas are in this together!
Also – Check out my post on How I Manage my Postpartum Anxiety
I’m having my first baby next month and this topic keeps coming up in my books too. I just want to be prepared for anything that could potentially happen so thank you for your insight!
I struggled with postpartum depression and anxiety after my daughter was born, and I remember being afraid to go to sleep in case she stopped breathing when I closed my eyes. I had a hard time even letting my husband hold her and that’s when I really recognized how bad it was. Thank you for sharing your story and the specific things you were thinking. I remember thinking I didn’t have the typical signs of “depression”, so I waited a lot longer to talk to my doctor than I should have. Praying this topic continues to be talked and blogged about frequently!
Absolutely. Thank you for sharing. I was doing the same with my husband. I KNEW he was an amazing father but I couldn’t trust having my son out of my site.
I can totally relate to this! I actually had post-partum anxiety too. My doctors had no clue what was going on and it took a lot of specialists to confirm why I already knew was going on. It wasn’t depression – it was complete overwhelm. Luckily I was able to reduce the stress by changing my expectations of myself. I also have a child with some special needs which added to the stress. Ultimately, that is why I created my blog – to share ways to simplify with other moms who are stuggling with the overwhelming demands of modern motherhood. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you. It is so important that we keep this topic going. We are all in this together!
I’m not a parent, but am scared to become one for this reason. I struggle with pretty severe panic attacks because my body poorly manages stress as the product of an autoimmune disorder. I relate to what you describe more than you know!
This is so great that you opened up about PPD! Fellow PPD/A-er over here! Thanks for sharing your experience. It’s njce to know we aren’t alone in our struggle!
Absolutely. It’s more common than we think!
Thank you for being so vulnerable and transparent! I am not a parent yet, but it’s comforting to know there are resources out there as well as other woman to talk to!
Thank you Samantha! I’m hoping to spread the word about postpartum anxiety so moms like me can have more resources.
Thank you for being so honest and open Kelsey! I’m not a parent but have dealt with moderate anxiety and depression most of my life; it’s one of my biggest fears about one day having children.
Thank you Nicole!
Thank you for sharing! Anxiety and depression run in my family. I’m lucky that I have not had any real issues with it, but I’m terrified of PPD because I’m afraid having kids would trigger it. I’ve had more frequent panic attacks as an adult, and I’m like so with kids will this happen more? Thank you for the resources and I’ll remember this and share it with my sisters too!
Thank you for stopping by! Hopefully you can find this blog to be a comforting place to open up about anxiety!
We need to talk more about this. I had a difficult time after my last pregnancy and was glad to have family to open up to about it.
I was fortunate enough to only experience a bout of the baby blues, but definitely felt the anxiety (and still do!) that come with raising a child! There’s always that fear in the back of her head that something could go wrong or that you’re not doing something right. Having a great support system is HUGE! They’re not kidding when they say, “it takes a village!” Whether that’s your friend, family or your online community!
This is such an important conversation to have! Thank you for sharing, I hope this message reaches anyone that can benefit from it because depression and anxiety can be so difficult to handle.
Thank you!
I think it’s so great to have educate people about this, because it seems like this is something that not many talk about. Also, I think it’s super awesome that you have a supportive system!
Thanks for sharing and sharing resources for it others ❤️
I’m not a mother yet, but these are issues I’m definitely concerned about for the future. Thanks for opening up! We need to have more communication when it comes to mental/emotional health!
Thank you for raising such an important subject. Sure many women will find your post helpful.